Hello You Wacky Sagittarians

Needless to say, I scared myself to death the other night with my attempt at ghostly fiction. Luckily, God has blessed me with an almost complete lack of imagination, so I am not often tempted to invent spooky tales of wolf-people, or woof-people, as my stepfather pronounced the word.

Which leads me to today's subject: Sagittarians. We are now smack dab in the middle of Sajj and I have a message for all the Sajjes of the world--relax. Breathe. Calm down. Look before you leap. Count to ten. Don't fly off the handle. Don't make a scene. Don't get married again, at least until you've finished counting to ten. Then, walk around the block. Is your potential mate in bankruptcy court? Is he or she still married to somebody else? Don't do it, Sajj, you'll be sorry in about five minutes.

Don't fire your secretary. Don't fall in love with your secretary. Pretend like you don't even have a secretary, unless you want to dictate a letter, and then, you know what? Just type it yourself.

If you're bored, Sajj, and I know you are, throw a party. You're good at that. Go dancing. You like to dance. Go to Madagascar. I bet you've never been to Madagascar. Wouldn't you like to see how they harvest cloves? Sure you would. You could fly through Amsterdam. Amsterdam is lots of fun and they have amazing chocolate.

Or, you could join a cult. I believe that I might just have an opening as a "Follower", but apply now, the slots are filling quickly!

The thing to remember, Sajj, is don't go with your gut instinct. Your gut instinct is wrong. Your gut instinct has gotten you into trouble in the past, hasn't it? You thought you were going to pull a fast one but it backfired, didn't it? So don't do it, whatever it is. Action is overrated. Thought is nice too, Sajj--you can do a lot of fun things in your head without getting yourself into big trouble.

So just relax, have another glass of champagne, and handcuff yourself to something heavy until that funny little itch in your stomach passes, the one you always get before you do or say something really unforgiveable.

We all love you, Sajj, but the Law of Karma is real. Once you get that ball rolling, it's not going to stop until it comes back and flattens you. Remember Wile E. Coyote? He was a Sajj. So if it's a good deed you have in mind, or a kind word, or some homemade lasagna, then go for it. Pull out all the stops. But if you feel like making trouble, just remember the Wheel of Karma, and order out for pizza instead.